Maldives

• Go in the summer silly! - Indian Ocean
• Lovers in Luxury - Maldives
• Feet first into the Maldives - Maldives
• No news, No shoes - Maldives
• My wedding pact with David Walliams - Maldives
• Push the boat out - Seychelles
• Relaxation Addict - Seychelles
• Mauritius the Delicious - Mauritius
• Mr Perma-Tan in Paradise - Mauritius
• Never seen you looking so lovely - Mauritius
• Island Iffy No Longer - Sri Lanka
• Having a swell time! - Seychelles
• Perfect, even for the world’s pickiest guest! - Maldives
• Do not disturb - Mauritius
• My tantrum in paradise - Mauritius
• Calendar girl makes a date - Maldives
• Lipstick and high heels not required - Maldives
• The five-star survivor! - Mauritius
• Strictly Unwinding - Maldives
• Why should paradise be only for lovers? - Maldives
• Strictly recharging - Maldives
• Busy doing nothing - Maldives

RIGHT then, let’s not dillydally. To properly unwind, to clear your head and fully unravel then there’s a lot to be said for somewhere that specialises in total relaxation. If there was a self-help book called How To Relax, chapter one would basically be about going to a place where the busiest you can get is ordering breakfast.

That’s why I love the Maldives. Yes, people will talk about diving with sharks and yoga pavilions, kite-surfing and the fish market. But sometimes I want nothing to do. In the Maldives there’s no golf (the islands are too small), no monuments (other than the small temple-like shrines which are spas that dot the atolls) and definitely never ever ‘Day Excursions To Historical Places Of Interest’. Yippee! Break out the sun cream. Nowt is perfect.

Not moving. Just a cold towel that smells of lemongrass and an iced drink made from crushed ginger and lime juice. Oh, and if the mobile doesn’t work and the fax machine on the resort is slightly temperamental, who cares? I have come to the ‘take your brain off your shoulders, turn it off and park it’ before.

But this time was going to be different. This time my husband and I were bringing children. Madness surely. Most of my friends thought I was insane. ‘You’re taking two small people somewhere specifically where there will be nothing for them to do?’ While I’m a big fan of nothing – can’t get enough of it – the seven year- old and the three-year old aren’t quite as keen. They’re absolutely nuts about activities and events and things to do.

Yippee! Break out the sun cream.

That’s where Maureen at the Four Seasons in the Maldives came in. She was on reception and she simply sorted out everything. Would your seven-year-old like tennis lessons? Do you think your daughter would be interested in making jewellery every day at midday when the sun is at its hottest so she doesn’t get burnt? Did you say that your husband likes the films of Martin Scorsese? We have an extensive film library. Did you want to meet a starfish?

Oh, and there are pools in every villa - may I suggest we gate yours as your little one is well, little. We stayed at both Four Seasons resorts. One is the Kuda Huraa and the other is the Landaa Giraavaru. The former is the older of the resorts and is only 30 minutes by boat from Male, where you l and after your flight from the UK. Male airport, I should also add, is not really an airport.

Yes, it calls itself that, but basically it’s a landing strip and a nice bloke with an old scanning machine and then, wallop, you’re outside and on the fluorescent Indian Ocean.

A very lovely boy with a Four Seasons jacket then magically appears, takes your bags, gives your kids cold apples and, bingo, you’re on his boat whizzing to the first of the hotels. Kuda Huraa is small and intimate and very proud of its ‘family’ feel. It’s also crammed with the happiest staff I think I’ve ever come across.

In particular, you should seek out Lara from the kids’ club (‘who’s up for burying me in the sand before we have a hermit crab race?’) and Summer, who serves breakfast, lunch and supper as if there’s nowhere else on Earth she’d rather be.

Kuda Huraa is small and intimate

On her instigation we gave up our order of mango and bran flakes one morning and had the freshly made chocolate chip pancakes instead. I thought I was going to faint. And as for the kids - the big one looked as though he was about to cry.

On the off chance you’re the kind of person who likes to move even a little bit, I thought I ought to do some research. The traditional Maldivian cuisine cooking class is good fun. You learn how to make delicious chicken curry and tandoori- spiced fish.

Pudding is samosas filled with chopped banana and melting white chocolate. Amazing.

The other thing we decided to try was the dolphin cruise. When there are no dolphins, these can be very disappointing. I went on one once and someone actually shouted: ‘Look, some wood!’ On this cruise we suddenly came across 20 big, beautiful dolphins.

They splashed in the surf in the boat’s wake.

They leapt in front of us, they did back flips and we stayed with them for about 20 minutes. I’ve never been so close to dolphins and neither have our children who were just open-mouthed with wonder and haven’t stopped talking about it since.

The rooms at Kuda Huraa are spacious and beautifully made in dark wood and thatch with a massive, massive bath and a fantastic outside shower. Every room has its own pool and once you’ve settled in you’ll never want to leave. But after three days that’s what we had to do and we were pretty sure there was nothing better out there.

Thirty minutes on a seaplane later and we landed at Landaa Giraavaru. Other than having a slightly ridiculous name that looks as if it was created by a drunken Countdown contestant, this is about as perfect a hotel as there is.

It is ridiculously beautiful with big, sumptuous villas spread along its coast and the sand is absurdly soft. The water that surrounds it is a deep, dark blue with patches of bright white interspersed with coral.

The dive centre is impressive. It’s not a hut containing a smiley teenager holding an old wetsuit and a picture of a ray. It’s full of brilliantly clever people who want to show you whale sharks. There is a marine research centre on the island and when we arrived they were nursing an outof- sorts female turtle and a porcupine fish who was called Puffy.

There are four restaurants and all are relaxed and brilliant, and Blu (I agree - what happened to the e?) is the best and serves delicious pizza and pasta and just-this-second- caught fish. Perfect . Small lemon sharks come to the shore every night and baby bats fly through the trees.

The masseur has magic hands

When you arrive you immediately get a list of the friendly inhabitants of the island and you’ll spend the rest of your holiday making friends with small, gentle geckos. The kids adopted six hermit crabs throughout our stay and even made skirts for them out of paper (the crustaceans were particularly happy when we left) and they had the best time of their lives trying to catch clown fish (thankfully impossible) and searching for the bright orange butterflies that swoop through the blossom.

The rooms are enormous - a family of four can easily share one. At the calming, beautiful spa there’s a masseur called Jinoy who has magic hands - I’m not lying. You can do yoga there most mornings and there are breathing technique sessions every evening.

There are turtle safaris and coral reefs to build. You can jog along the beach and you can learn to windsurf. Or you can do my favourite thing of all. Nothing.